At my age I experience a weird kind of amnesia. I walk into a room at my house and I can’t remember why I’m there. I obviously left my previous location and showed up in a different room for a reason, but I just stand there with a blank look on my face. My kids sometimes notice and ask, “Mom, are you okay?” They ask because I appear to be in a trance or like I’m playing “freeze dance” .

Automatically I am transported back in time to my Granny’s house, hearing her say, “I can’t remember why I came in here. What was I gonna do?” That was my GRANNY! I’m a little worried because obviously I am nowhere near Granny age. Does this ridiculously humiliating phenomenon happen to you too? Just say “yes”.

Last week I found myself in a different place of forgetting. I felt lost, not knowing why I was here; frozen trying to decide what in the world I was supposed to be doing. My rhythm for life was way off and I became frustrated as I quickly got absolutely nothing accomplished.

I finally heard the Spirit of God whisper to me, “just ask me.”

So I did. I asked God, “what is it you want for me? What am I missing here? What should I be doing today?”

No more blank stare. Slowly I regain movement. I didn’t go change the world that day. I reorganized our refrigerator to help us stop wasting so much food and make snacks easier to find for my kids. Why? Because I heard God tell me that as much as I enjoy writing and serving and encouraging women, my first calling is as a wife and mother.

As I sit with his Word on my lap, inviting it into my heart and mind, I am asking, “what else, Jesus? How can I guide and bless my family today? This week? How can I pray for them?”

No earth shattering revelation, just a small whisper into my spirit that brought some clarity. I am still listening for next steps as I abide in Him. He is reminding me that he did not leave me here as an orphan. He is with me, providing and protecting, longing to pour his grace out on me as I stumble.

This world can lull us into a trance, with all of its busyness and expectations. If we find ourselves feeling lost, forgetting who we are and what we are here for, we are one question away from clarity. I do not believe God is trying to be mysterious. He is not withholding his wisdom or his will from us, his children.

As for my writing, God spoke into that too with his word. “Each of you should use whatever gifts you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” [1Peter 4:10]  This scripture came when I desperately needed encouragement to keep writing. I was doubting this call, this thing I do here with you. That is what we do when it gets hard, when we have to fight to find a time and space to use our gift. We begin think that serving God, following our God-sized dream should be easy, or it’s not from God. Right after Peter calls us to serve in our gifts, he tells us “they should do so with the strength that God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.” [verse 11]

As the fog is lifting, and I am remembering why I am here; I realize that nothing has changed. I am still lavishly loved by Jesus. The plan God has for me is still good. My calling is the same; love my family as they need to be loved and write these words of truth.

In His strength. So He will be praised.

When we feel lost, and we will, all we have to do is ask our Father, “why am I here?”. He will gently remind us.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, love your neighbor as yourself. Luke 10:27

why am i here

 

 

 

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