Snow covers the tracks and trails from yesterday, calling to my children for new adventures, faster rides, and they accept. Jackets, hats, gloves, boots, and sleds.

Only twenty minutes pass before my sweet brown boy appears in the door devastated because brother won’t share a sled. I suggest asking the other brother, but he interrupts with “he’ll say no!” My precious boy with deep wounds of rejection still lives out of his pain. He believes the worst, worries, assumes, and expects the rejection. 

We live out of our beliefs. I think that is true. We have our dressed up for Sunday school beliefs, then there are the authentic ones that we would like to deny. I get it. No finger pointing here.

I can say I believe God is good. How deep and real is my belief if I am constantly worried about the what ifs of life? 

I can say I believe God will provide, but I can’t bring myself to share, to tithe?

I can say I believe that I am loved and worthy, but I live as a people pleaser.

After sending my son back out into the snow to face his fear of rejection, I watch his brother share the sled and I have hope. His unbelief can be transformed. 

Life marked by frustration, fear, frustration, and anger screams what it believes. It is undeniable. 

When I find myself battling fear and insecurity I have to look to the source. My beliefs. What I believe about God and what I believe about myself shapes my decisions and feelings. 

I used to think that God was so disappointed about all of this, my struggle to believe and trust. That was a lie that I believed. My dressed up Sunday school answers are gone. Here I am in my jeans and sweatshirt, curled up with God, covered by his grace. I simply ask him to help my unbelief. 

You can too. Living out of truth is unbelievably freeing. Search your heart, your choices, your struggles. Your beliefs will be right there. No need to be afraid of them or ashamed of them. Just give them to Jesus and ask for the truth. 

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8