It just hit me that you might not have clicked on a post about the secret life of a plumber’s wife or an architect’s wife. How about wives of accountants or dentists- is there a lot of curiosity about their lives? Yes, I am married to a pastor. Maybe he’s your pastor. You may not even know any pastor’s wives. Not really, anyway.
I want to give you the inside scoop, the dirt, the cold hard facts, the myths debunked. I want to answer your burning question,
“what’s it really like to be married to the preacher?”
First of all, saying that all pastors or pastor’s wives are alike would be like saying there’s only one shade of lipstick. I will not even try to put us all in one box together. I’ll just give you my take on it all- especially the parts that I imagine might be true for most of us PW’s (inside code for Pastor’s Wife- just kidding. Made that up.)
First, let’s just start with the logistics of life for the wife of a reverend. Please know that there is not even a hint of whine in my voice as I tell you this. I’m a big girl and I love my life.
- I don’t go to church with my husband. We go to the same church, but we never ride together. He leaves early to do churchy stuff and I bring the kids. I have never ridden to church with my husband since we had children. This might explain why my kids have shown up with only one shoe or why I’m wearing two different ones. When my kids were little, a double stroller was the only way to make it work getting four small children into the church building -either riding or hanging on.
- I don’t sit with my husband at church. I do, however get to sit and watch that superhunk from the second row.
- My husband’s phone can ring at any time. He is on call so life is sometimes put on hold.
Just because someone teaches about God, does not mean that he or his wife are perfect. Somehow, however a picture of perfection has worked its way into our images of pastors. If you are surprised by the following statements, please stop reading and go make friends with a pastor’s wife.
- Pastors and their wives argue and fight.
- Pastors and their wives have sex.
- Pastors and their wives do not have all the answers about anything.
- Pastors and their wives make mistakes and hurt people in their churches.
Some may think that since we are married to godly men and lead almost perfect lives, that being a pastor’s wife is something close to magical. I do love being married to a pastor because I love being in ministry together, but for many of us PW’s, I think that we have some unique challenges to face.
- Being a pastor’s wife can be lonely.. Some women think the pastor’s wife has it together simply because she’s a pastor’s wife and consequently feel that she would not approve or accept them.
- Pastor’s wives can feel pressure to be involved in every ministry of the church, and then feel guilty when they can’t.
- Pastor’s wives often struggle alone, especially when marriage or family problems occur because it is awkward sharing with friends within the church.
What Pastor’s Wives Want You to Know
Sorry to say, pastor’s wives do not possess any super powers. Our families are not perfect. Our children do stupid things. We act silly, watch Netflix, and argue with our husbands about money and what color to paint the house. Our marriages sometimes struggle, and we do not spend every free moment praying. We make pancakes for dinner and want to look cute in our new outfits. We say the wrong thing sometimes, and smile at you at church even though we are really angry with our pastor husbands.
We are just like you. No story here, just girls who love Jesus and trying to walk in his ways. Purposefully, but not perfectly.
If I could share anything on behalf of my fellow PW’s, I would tell you that we want the same thing you do- love, acceptance, worth, and security. I would tell you to not expect perfection from us or to assume that we expect it from you.
Pastor’s wives are probably a lot like you.