Our weekend was planned. A night in a cabin alone. Some crazy friends would be taking all six kids to their house, feeding them, entertaining them. Did I mention a night alone in a cabin?
I am writing this sob story in my pj’s, under a blanket, with a box of tissues and a Z-pack. One foot is soaking in epsom salt because of an ingrown toenail (gross, huh?), and because of my confused hormones, another pleasantry arrived seven days early. Nice.
Do I sound like I’m disappointed? I am. I am disappointed.
For us good girls who know all the right answers, we are tempted to stuff our disappointment and cover it up with a layer of fake thanksgiving or super spiritual truths like, “it must not have been God’s will.” True, I have much to be thankful for. God’s will? Not sure if the little cabin in the woods was his plan or not. I do know that some very loving people gave us a night away to show their appreciation for hot pastor.
Here is something else I know. We live in a less than perfect world inside bodies that get sick. Is God still in control? Sure. I don’t want to argue God’s sovereignty. I just want to say to you that I think it is okay to be disappointed.
Feeling disappointed about this weekend does not mean I am not thankful for God’s blessings. Neither does it mean that I do not trust God. Feelings of disappointment do not make me less spiritual. I feel confident that Jesus experienced disappointment.
Much the same, anger is not a sin either. It is where you let your anger take you, right? I will recover from my disappointment. I will not be a pouty-faced Eeyore all weekend or eat an entire box of maple leaf cookies tonight while we watch Elf. I’m just not quite ready to play “The Glad Game” with Polyanna.
Our enemy loves to whisper lies to us on the hard days. “If you were a strong Christian you wouldn’t feel this way. Don’t you trust God?” While he is scheming to heap shame on us, our Father is waiting with arms wide open to comfort us in our disappointment, not judge us.
How do we know that our disappointment has taken us to a bad place?
*Entitlement– “I deserved this trip!”
*Bitterness– “Other people get all the breaks. Life never works out for me!”
*Believing lies– “God must not really care about me.”
Hot Pastor and I had a conversation recently about how social media fools us into thinking that everyone’s life is more wonderful than our own. I’ve read several articles on that very subject. While I don’t want to be Debbie Downer and share all of my hurt and pain on Facebook, I also want to be real.
Disappointment is real for me today. Watching a movie with my children will be great, but having a night alone with my husband would have been a huge treat for us right now. For those of you facing disappointment today, I encourage you to share it with someone. Your disappointment may be far more tragic than our lost getaway. Allow someone to share your hurt.