I heard someone say that more than anything, women want to be known, truly known. I believe that is true. We want someone to really get who we are, how we feel, what we love, and how to love us. How do I know that’s true? Because when our husbands screw up, we say “If you really loved me, you would KNOW what I wanted.” I have even heard women say, “if he has to ask, then I’m not going to tell him. He should know what I like.” We wonder why we struggle to have intimacy with our spouses.
Maybe this post is for your husband, because it’s time to set him free from that impossible expectation. There is only one who can fully know you.
We desire true intimacy. We want to be known, to be fully seen, fully understood, and then we want to be fully accepted. One of my favorite movie scenes is from the movie, Ever After. Cinderella has been found out. She is not nobility as the prince thought. She is living as a slave when the prince finally comes to his senses. He goes to rescue her from her master and finds her dirty and smelly, far from royal perfection. Every time I watch him take the dirty boot off her foot and place the glass slipper on, signifying her as his perfect match, I cry.
All of us want love like that. Love that sees us at our worst and chooses us anyway. Love that knows the cry of our heart and answers, love that sees our pain and comforts us.
Intimacy is in our DNA. It is how we were designed. Our creator made us with a need, but that need can only be fully met by him.
Our spouses can love us, but not like he can. Our children can love us, but not like he can. Our mamas can love us, and our friends can love us, but none can fully know us and fully love us like Jesus.
I was driving tonight to pick up a child. My heart was heavy and I was fighting discouragement. I made a left turn, and as my car crested a hill, I saw beauty that took my breath. The sun was filtering through the clouds in brilliant streaks, reaching down towards the mountains. Each ray seemed to be reaching through the clouds from the face of God saying, “I see you.”
In my hurt and disappointment, in my confusion and struggle, he sees me. In my anger and frustration, and in my doubts and questions, he finds me. On my husband’s best day he can’t love me like that. Nobody can.
It is difficult for us to comprehend how someone could know us completely and still call us beloved, still pursue us with sunsets and blessings.
But it’s true.
All around us there is evidence of his extravagant love for us. He passionately pursues us, invites us to join him, draw near to him. He offers us his comfort, forgiveness, and redemption. He calls us his bride, his beloved, his friend.
If you are longing to be known, to be heard, to be seen, and to be loved, Jesus is who you need. Will you let him love you today? He’s okay with you not having it together. He knows what you need before you say it.
Taste and see that the Lord is good. Psalm 34:8