I chaperoned a field trip yesterday. Last year, my husband helped with the same mountain biking trip and made quite a spectacle of himself wrecking several times as he led the boys on the trails. Did I mention that he is a very experienced rider? Of course, I have given him a hard time. Picking on each other is what we do. Yesterday, I knew that I might have issues when the teacher began explaining the trails and giving me directions. Understanding my weakness when it comes to navigation, I quickly decided that my group of five kids would follow another group with a less loopy guide. Let’s just say that my five kids were “downhill” riders. We fell behind on the first climb and lost our guide. In looking back, I should have kept my phone with me. It did not take long for my group to realized that we were lost, especially when I began to ask them which way they thought we should go. We finally found a paved road that led us back to the college adjacent to the trails. We looked like the Von Trapp family riding in a line through the college, but we made it back. I was laughing and yelling as we came down the hill to meet the other groups. Hot pastor laughed too. He probably had a hunch I would get lost.

I am sharing this story because last year I don’t think I would have laughed. Last year I was not “enough”. Plagued by insecurity, all I could see was a bad reflection of myself. Everywhere I looked, I saw this woman I thought I was supposed to be, this perfect version of myself. She whispered in my ear, telling me that if I was a “good” mom and a “good” wife, I would do this and that. If I was a “good” Christian and a “good” pastor’s wife, I wouldn’t have done this or that. She was all I could see. Do you know who I couldn’t see? You.

Insecurity can blind us to the hurts and the joys of other women. I could not minister to you or celebrate with you. I didn’t see you, and I’m sorry. The gifts I see in other women are beautiful reflections of our creator. It’s an honor to share in your pain and struggles. Knowing who we are in Christ, believing we are loved, accepted, worthy, and secure frees us to focus on others.

Not feeling like we are enough can lead us into a life of co-dependency. Somehow fixing other people, being the “yes” girl helps us feel better about ourselves. When we rescue someone, when someone “needs” us, we are enough. For a while.

Trying to be enough is futile. Hamster in a wheel. Running. Running. Exhausting. Frustrating.

We are deceived into thinking that having enough stuff, getting it together, or being a rescuer will work. Freedom is found in understanding and believing in the perfect love of our Father and the grace offered to us through Jesus.

Laughter feels good. Celebrating other women is sweet. So thankful I can see you. I’m being honest about my journey because I want to see other women living in freedom. I read a couple of books that opened my eyes and prepared my heart for that freedom. After that, God led me to a ministry of counseling and discipleship that walked me through the process. They helped me let go of junk that weighed me down. I said goodbye to the girl who was never enough and embraced my identity as “complete” in Christ.

2 Corinthians 3:5

New International Version (NIV)
Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.