If I were just more…If I just did more…If I could just have more…

One day, as I struggled with feeling like I wasn’t enough, as I thought of the ways that someone was disappointed with me each day, I decided to write a list. It was a list of all my “not enoughs”.  Here is a peek into my list.
*I don’t volunteer at the school enough.
*Our meals aren’t healthy enough.
*I don’t call my dad enough.
*I’m not drinking enough water.
*I don’t play with my kids enough.
*My house isn’t clean enough.

That’s just a few things on my list of shame. Shame. Do you feel it? Does the voice of shame echo in your mind throughout your day?  That imaginary “good mom” who followed me around (Sept. 16 post) would never let me forget that I wasn’t enough. In fact, she added to the list daily. I couldn’t breathe. Constantly overwhelmed with what I should do better, say better, eat better, and organize better. Living with that list was not living at all, but instead it was just trying to survive each day.

I’ve been on a journey this year- a journey to freedom and joy. One part of that journey was recognizing the expectations I had on myself, the expectations others had on me and then letting them all go. Through some counseling, I came up with a picture of the girl I felt like I had to be. She’s quite the specimen of perfection.

Here’s a close-up so you can laugh at me further.
As you can see, I had issues. This girl is not real. She is my impostor. The real me is already enough because Christ lives in me. I have his life, and in him I am complete, holy, righteous, perfect. My personality and my body are still in process, but my identity is with him. Just like our adopted son became a Dollyhigh, I became enough in Christ. Sure, I mess up everyday, but I am not a mess. My mistakes are not who I am. As I walk with Jesus, as I submit to him and obey him, he shapes me and grows me. 

Are you living with a list of “not enoughs”? Do you have unrealistic expectations for yourself and others? Relax. Let’em go. Accept the grace and forgiveness of Christ.

Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He made us complete as ministers of a new covenant- not the letter of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.  2 Corinthians 3:5-6